3:50 p.m. :: 2003-02-24
love astray, it returns in a strange way
i wish you would make a little more sense to me.
we ended things a few months back, when feelings weren't yet unbearably sensitive, when i felt like i couldn't give you anything more, when i didn't want anything else from you. and i thought i would just leave things at that -- say little to nothing at all.
i looked at your body, at your perceived flaws, and thought of you as nothing but another boy. another boy with a dick, not like me, but with its own personality. i took a term dedicated solely to understanding the intricacies of your body -- the softness of your plush belly, the coarseness of your chest hair when you didn't fucking shave it, that dopey grin you gave when you threw your arm over me and involuntarily thrust your morning wood against my hip or thigh.
good morning to you too, lil' soldier.
i don't look at you and see the word "fuckbuddy" tattooed in invisible purple ink upon your forehead, though i'm as detached as ever when, for the fuck of it, you think we should have a "moment." you and your troublesome erection; it's funny, i never had anyone whine about not getting off. and in a strange way, i would have blamed some girl for not finishing the job herself, only to see myself now as not a frigid bitch, but somebody who takes a hint of pleasure in seeing you squirm. yes. grab your balls. that's totally fine with me. you know how to walk into the bathroom, shut the door, and relieve yourself, don't you?
but maybe this pain for pleasure bit is a double-edge: that, in turn, you took your revenge on me for making me, in those moments of strange weakness, uncertainty, and bewilderment, want to grab you up and hug and kiss you and tell you how much i care. "i can't do this anymore" became "let's do it some more."
i tell myself to stop worrying about how the relationship works and to simply enjoy your mouth wrapped around my hard-on. i'm just not as consistent as i should be on the matter, that's all.
Did you miss...?
Casual, Random Sex - April 22, 2009
For Your Eyes Only - 2008-05-29
Amanda - 2008-05-29
Faithful Wife - 2008-05-17
Nasty Mother In Law - 2008-05-17
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